HUMILITY+SELFLESS SERVICE=LOVE

Man what a week! I have just come out of one of the most emotionally, life changing, exhausting, yet wonderful weeks of my life. I work in a job where it requires of me to give of myself to others through teaching and motivating them to live healthier. Up until this point I know that I have taken for granted that I have the health and strength of my body. Not only am I healthy, but I am strong. I have now started to train for the Coeur d'Alene Idaho Ironman in 2009. I realized how much I was taking my health for granted when my grandpa Daw was rushed to the ER last Monday. He was diagnosed with kidney failure through complications with his bone cancer. I have watched my grandpa go through this hard time and I have realized that he is so strong. He is so much stronger than any Ironman I will do in my lifetime. Watching him fight for his life has been a surreal experience. I did not know that I had the capacity to love somebody as much as I have loved my grandparents and family this past week. I have spent as many hours possible outside of work sitting next to his bedside holding his hand. I have gained pure wisdom that I would have never gained without this experience. I am very selfish! My focus is too much on myself and less on others. This experience has given me alot of humility. I decided that this was my oppertunity to show my grandpa how much I love him. I found myself at his bedside not only holding his hands but feeding him cranberry applesauce on Thanksgiving night. He did not get to enjoy the wonderful dinner that most of us enjoyed that day. His energy level is low to the point where he can't talk. It is the silent moments alone with my grandpa that I have learned the most. I sang to him Zippa DEE Doo DAW! Although my voice needs some work in the singing department, I knew he appreciated me singing to him because it is his favorite song. As I was singing, he grabbed my hand and just held on tight. I knew he loved me and appreciated my company that night. The greatest experience I have had with my grandpa this week was when I told him he was my hero. I did not believe he was going to make it out of the hospital, so I said my goodbyes. He replied back with as much energy as possible.."You know that song" I said, " what song grandpa?" He said,"The song wind beneath my wings" He than had tears rolling down his cheeks. I knew that he wanted me to know that I was the wind beneath his wings. I was an emotional mess and I did not want to leave his side. I was saturated in his love that I cannot deny. It is unconditional love. I have never felt so close to the spirit in my life. My eyes were opened to the fact that I need to lose my selfishness and take more time to do random acts of service for those I love.

Not only is my grandpa sick but so is his wife. You can tell that my grandpa is holding on to stay with his sweetheart. She has Alzheimers disease. She does not know who anybody is around her anymore. I have spent alot of time alone with my grandma. She is more confused and does not understand why her husband is sick. I can only imagine how hard this must be for my grandma. Yesterday, I had to tell her about 8 times that I was her grand daughter. She would say "Oh you are?" I said, "Yes grandma," "Ryans daughter!" "Your son." "Oh ok" she would say, "I will claim you." It is really hard watching somebody struggle with this disease. It has taken her so fast. We do laugh a ton! she makes us smile with her quirky little mannersims. She can play The First Noel on the clarinet like a champ. You also need to keep your eye on her. She will get into mischief. Like, hiding your car keys. ect. She is like a little girl. Her style is the double layered capris, church coat and socks with her mary jane shoes. Hence the picture above. She is so funny. I told her yesterday how beautiful she was every five minutes. She would immediatly forget the conversation where I reminded her earlier. "Grandma, you are beautiful!" she would say "I am!" eyes HUGE! she would say, "Nobody has every said that to me before." I said, "Yes grandma, I told you about five minutes ago!" "You are even more beautiful now." She would say, "I should write you a note and deliver it to you." I helped her as she wiped the counter off 59 million times, it is ok. It is what she remembers doing and it is her comfort. It was the moments like eating pumpkin pie with a fork out of the pie pan with my grandma. Watching her endulge this pie like it was the last piece she will ever eat. It was watching her pose for my camera as I told her I wanted a picture of her and her cool new style. It was her telling me that she will kick me if I splash her with water from the sink. :) Those are the sweet moments that I will NEVER EVER FORGET! My grandma is so beautiful. I have realized the things that really matter in life. When you see somebody close to you fighting for their life. The really important things become evident. You remember the things that bring you joy like family and friendships. A really good Thanksgiving dinner. Especially when you don't have the chance to enjoy the holiday with those you love so much. Traditions, memories, and all the things that frosted your cake in life. I am cherishing every moment I have left with my grandpa. He is strong and he is fighting. Eventually cancer will win the battle and I wont have him anymore. I can't wait for the next time I get to go sit by his bed and hold his hand. Don't take the things for granted in your life that are really important. Be thankful for your health and strength. Be thankful for for the people in your life that you know will be there to hold your hand at your bedside when you are sick. Those that will sing you songs, comb your hair, rub your feet and just tell you that they love you. Those are the people that have never left your side. Those are the people you can't take for granted. Until next time. LOVE to your full capacity! It will change your life.