Stripped Down

Wow its been awhile since i last sent my thoughts out into the blogging world. I was not feeling inclined to speak my mind or talk about anything. I didn't feel like I had anything of significance to express. But whether or not you read this post, I wanted to send my words out there, to hopefully help someone realize what I have realized about myself within the last 2 months of my life. So deciding to come back today is perfect timing. Writing has always been my way to express myself. Sometimes I am not the best on the phone, or even sometimes in social situations I like to listen and take in what I learn from others. I do not find myself voicing myself very much. When I am sitting here in this moment listening to my inner voice, I feel empowered to express myself. So here is my story and I hope that you read it, and truly know that this is coming from my heart and I am going to be as real and authentic as I know I am.

I have always known a finish line. To me a finish line represents accomplishment, hard work, a rush that is indescribable, and a feeling of being quite proud. My Dad taught me at an early age that running was a great hobby, he himself running 16 marathons and almost qualifying for the olympics. I really looked up to him. I had always played school sports, such as basketball and soccer and was not the star player by any means. Actually I sucked. I was always the 8th or 9th man off the bench, so I was used to all my peers shining over me. When I graduated from high school, my brother and Dad talked me into running a marathon. 1 marathon turned into 2 marathons, and I quickly realized that not only could I run a marathon but I was a pretty fast runner. I qualified for Boston after my 3rd marathon and continued to feed into that feeling of accomplishment. (now you are probably wondering why I am telling you all of this, but I promise i will get to the point) I felt like these races and these accomplishments gave me my identity. My Dad would tell everyone how proud of his daughter he was, and It felt good. I started to feel like the only way my Dad would be proud is if I kept doing these races, but each race I did I was slowly dying inside. After awhile marathons became a bit boring, I didn't quite get the same feeling I used to get when running so I began to look for another way to prove to myself that I was strong. I started teaching spin classes at the gym, and fell in love with biking. I wanted to do the next biggest and best thing out there, so once again my accomplishments would continue to define me. I realized that not only was I a strong runner, but that I was a stronger cyclist. So I opted to register myself for the longest one day sanctioned bike ride in the United States. LOTOJA 206 miles of 17000 feet gain in elevation throughout the day. Well I not only did this, but I did this 3 times after. I was feeling high on life and soon realized well there must be more that I can do. My ego was high on life, and I must admit I thought I was pretty cool. Fast forward June 2009. At this point in my life, I had failed miserably from relationships, feeling very unworthy of love. Never vulnerable, and always feeling like I had to hold up the "I am strong card" The guys in my life couldn't keep up with me. And now looking back, I don't know how they did for as long as they did. I fell in love, and I lost him and so I started to beat myself up. Thoughts came into play "Maybe I needed to prove myself more that I am worthy of love," "What did I do to drive him away, am I not good enough" So going back to June It was time to sign up for what I saw in my mind the biggest race I could ever do in my lifetime. IRONMAN St. George, now if you don't know what an Ironman consist of it is 2.1 mile swim, 112 mile bike, and a 26.2 marathon. If I proved that I could cross that finish line, maybe I could prove to myself again that I am capable of being loved, and that someone must see that in me. (Which come to find out, it was the lack of self love I had, and I was only telling myself that I was unworthy of love. Nobody else was telling me this) So I signed up. I started my journey of Ironman training in November 2009. I started off with a ton of momentum, feeing great. I even did my workout late at night on New Years Eve thinking to myself, I am awesome! Everyone else is out partying and I am running. "I'm cool" right? No......

I have always loved yoga. It has been a huge part of my life, now to the point where I teach it daily, practice it a ton more, and It is a safe place for me. So while In this Ironman training process I decided since yoga has been a huge part of my life that I would enroll myself into a certification that would soon transform my thoughts and my help transform my life. So in all this I was trying to balance work, yoga, and 4 hours of training a day for this Ironman, and started to feel very overwhelmed with life. I would get mad at myself when I was feeling frustrated, because I am strong right? I can handle anything. No need to back down, and no need to ever feel vulnerable. Needless to say I became depressed. I started skipping out on workouts, hating my runs, and to be quite honest at rock bottom in my life. I was digging myself into a dark tunnel, and I felt completely out of touch with my life. I toyed with the idea of backing out of the race, but decided not to because I was afraid of what others thought. (when come to find out, they don't care as much as you think) I went out on a 12 mile run and decided that I was going to do it anyways despite what i was feeling. The first time in 10 years where I had to stop and walk. (this is NOT in my character) The kids on the school bus where pointing at me, and I felt like they were mocking me for my weakness, when in reality that was in my mind. People walking their dogs were passing me. I felt completely defeated. I went home and just cried. A few days later I was sitting in class, still beating myself up about my training, and way too tired to think or pay attention. I was listening in on a discussion half heartedly when I had my "awakening" or "aha" moment if I must say. This person who spoke to me this day will never understand what they did for me. When this person started to tell their story, I immedietly connected to it, and realized that her story was for me to hear that day. She expressed that she had gone through the similar torture that I went through, that she fell out of touch with her body and even though they looked good on the outside, internally she was completely out of connection with her body. For some reason those words hit me like a ton of bricks, and I knew in a matter of 10 seconds what I needed to do. I told myself that I am done torturing myself, and that I am done proving myself, and that I am worthy of love. I had no idea how to love myself, I only knew a finish line and to me that was my identity. So I was going to try and love myself with out all that glamour. I pulled out of the Ironman, losing a ton of money. But in the end gaining more then money can buy. I was set free, I was bound to this identity. I have never felt so empowered. Right now I am learning to love myself again completely stripped down of my expectations. Taking myself off of that pedastal that I wanted to place myself on, and stepping below it was the greatest feeling I have ever felt. I am learning that when I am stripped down to nothing, all those thoughts of me only having an identity attached to a finish line are just false. I am learning that I am powerful just being me. That I can move mountains, without climbing one on my bike or in my running shoes. I am the stripped down Abbey, and right now I feel naked without it all, but it is a better feeling than having the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am worthy of all the awesomeness that will come my way, and I will fail at times because I am human. i will be vulnerable, because it is alright not to always be the strong one. I am grateful because I have had that realization. I am powerful because at times I have felt powerless. Thank you to that person for helping me see that. I am going to carry on, and remember when I am being too hard on myself that its not reality. I am going to just bring what I am able every day, and if its just that I love myself, and others then that is all that matters. Filling my life with abundance by giving others the same. To me a finish line represents so much more then i can express, to me it represents an awesome journey to self fulfillment.

The Best Thing About Today

The best things about my day come unexpected. I love the great mystery of life! The fact that I get the opportunity to live in today and experience things that increase my capacity to love more than I ever thought I could. Today was another day full of unexpected blessings, that made me feel grateful for the place that I hold on this earth today. Today Thursday, November 12th 2009 was just another ordinary day at work. Get up at 530 am after pushing the snooze button one too many times, not really excited to start my day because of the lack of sleep I got the night before. Then pull my hair back in a messy bun, grab my protein bar, and head off to the gym to try and help others understand that fitness, and healthy living is important. My job is demanding of me. It requires me to give so much of myself to others, it requires me to motivate, inspire, and believe in others when they do not believe in themselves. Which in all reality, I don't believe in myself somedays, and I am constantly giving myself the same pep taik that I give to others. I am worth it! Today was good, I had the opportunity to yet again be passionate about what i do. I love to teach! I love it! I love that when I am in my own little world in the studio class, I feel the most safe, I feel the most loved, and I feel the most confident. I love that my friends show up to receive and to be apart of the positive energy. When I teach I feel as though everything is right in the world. I am so grateful that today, I got to experience that yet again, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is who I am, and those gifts are precious to me. I was grateful for today because I got to go to lunch with a dear and amazing friend in my life. The fact that I had the opportunity to take a break in my day to talk, and know that someone cared enough to listen. That friend made today great. I am truly grateful for friends that love me, because I love them so much. I was grateful for today because I have a wonderful Mom, with by a simple text to tell me how much she loved me, made me feel important. I love that today ended with a simple phone call from a friend I rarely talk to, letting me know that they were thinking of me. She wanted me to know she was there if I needed anything. It is so easy to look at every day as a routine, days are going by faster and faster. Weeks feel like seconds, and years more like minutes. We have a hard time stepping out of our daily routine to breathe and to just be in the moment. We let the simple things that make a day great, go by unnoticed. We live in a world of stress, depression, anxiety, and heart ache. But I think it is easier sometimes to fester in the negative, and we get in the habit of forgetting about the joys, and tender mercies that make us feel happy. Being happy is a daily choice, and somedays it is easier to choose the opposite. Two people can look at something in life and see it in two different ways. A mountain, some may look at a mountain and notice how tall it is, or how beautiful the colors are that make that mountain majestic. While others may look at it and notice the pain of the climb, and the rocky paths. Just like each day that passes by, some look at it and notice the best things about that day. While others may look at it and only wish to be in the next. Look at each day and paint your own beautiful, awesome, and inspiring picture. Paint it positive, and fill it up with love. My favorite quote is from my favorite movie Moulin Rouge, "The best thing in life is to love, and to be loved" Try to stay positive, and try to connect with those that you think need a pat on the back. You are powerful, and you have no idea the effect you have on others. Be the best part of their day. Because you can, and you have the power to be amazing! I loved today because I have my health, friends, family, and a roof over my head. I loved today, and I can't wait for tomorrow. Until then..goodnight!

Fusion 10-Karma Release Playlist

Ok here is my newest playlist from my Fusion 10 release. Thanks to all that come to my classes, you inspire me. I know a few of you asked me to post this, so here you go! Enjoy!

Fusion 10-Karma

1-Tai Chi-Bruce Springsteen: Streets of Philadelphia
2-Sun Salutations-Norwegian Mash-Up (sorry guys, this song you cant find on Itunes. Its a special song only I have) :)
3-Standing Strengths-Blue Man Group-Rods and Cones
4-Balance-Paula Cole-Me
5-Hip Openers-Seal-Prayer for the dying
6-Core-Natasha Bedingfield-Unwritten
7-Pilates Back-Jason DeRulo-Watcha Say
8-Twists-Tori Amos-Crucify EP Remix
9-Tai Chi/Folds/Hamstrings-Goo Goo Dolls-Iris
10-Prepare for Relazation-Lisbeth Scott-Where
11-Relaxation-Life Scapes-Eagle Dreams
12-Coming out of Relaxation-Ronan Hardiman-Heaven
13-Nameste-U2-Mysterious Ways (Apollo 440 Magic Hour Remix)



SONG Picks of the weeK-
Jason DeRulo-Watcha Say
Ingrid Michaelson-Maybe and Sort Of
Sarah Mclachlan-I will remember you
Mariah Carey-I want to know what love is

Album of the Week-
Ingrid Michaelson

BOOT CAMP SAT Sept 19th @ 9am LIFE TIME FITNESS

CALLING ON EVERYONE!

ARE YOU TOUGH ENOUGH!!!

WHETHER YOU ARE A MEMBER OR NON MEMBER OF LIFE TIME FITNESS, WE ARE HOLDING A FREE BOOT CAMP CLASS THIS COMING SATURDAY @9am. 10996 South River Front Parkway, South Jordan 84096. PlEASE BRING ANYONE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE. FREE TO EVERYONE! WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BOOT CAMP PLAY GROUND OUT BACK ON OUR TURF.

A FRAME WALL
MUD TUG A WARS
POWER HURDLES
LOG BALANCE BEAM

ECT! IT WILL BE A BLAST!

INSTRUCTORS- JULIE ATWOOD AND STACI SHORT AS WELL AS THE PERSONAL TRAINING TEAM!


COME GET YOUR BUTT WHOOPED! IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS PLEASE CONTACT ME AT LIFE TIME FITNESS 302-0909

THANKS GUYS! SEE YOU SATURDAY!

I love Kids!

I have a few special kids in my life, literally if I could spend most of my days hanging out with them I would. I Love you Madelyn, Sarah, Ethan, Savannah, Vincent, Dillion, Mason, Aly, Sammy, Spence, DMAN, Jaida, Jessica, Maddie, Brie, Ci Ci, and Christopher. Am I missing anyone. These are the best kids in the world! I would do anything for you!




Me and my two beautiful nieces Madelyn and Sarah.....Zac Efron or Edward...You decide!!!



Super Super Sour Spray! This little guy Daniel AKA DMAN, is probably one of my favorite kids in the world. I love the Thomas Family, and my Christopher.



PS...Don't look at my facial expression yuck!!!! :)

Song Picks of the Week! I'm Alive Fusion Release

Water Skiing at Utah Lake with the Thomas Family. This is Sammy and I together. I Love this family with all my heart!


Sorry its been awhile since I last blogged. I am busy enjoying my summer the best I can. I have also recently been very busy at Life Time Fitness. I love my job, and I feel so lucky and blessed to have the job and passions that I do. They keep me happy, and inspired! Here are some favorite song picks for this week!

Marie Digby-What I've Done

One Republic feat Sarah Barellius-Come Home

Kodo-Strobes Nanafushi (Satari Mix)

Black Eyed Peas-I've got a feeling

I'm Alive Fusion Release:

1. Tai Chi-Celine Dion-I'm Alive
2. Sun Salutations-Ronan Hardiman-Anthem
3. Standing Strengths-Snow Patrol-Crack the Shutters
4. Balance-John Hiatt-Have a Little Faith
5. Hip Openers-Heart-Alone
6. Pilates Core-Coldplay-Lovers in Japan
7. Pilates Back-P!nk-Sober
8. Twists-Bed of Roses Soundtrack-Independant Love Song
9. Tai Chi/Folds-David Foster-Love Theme from St. Elmo's Fire
10.Final Relaxation-
Clannad-Theme From Harry's Game
B-Tribe-Sunset in St.Carlos
Enya-Storms in Africa
Sarah Mclachlan-Answer

FUSION PLAYLIST-HOPE RELEASE and MS150 2009

My girls. Debbie and Kaycee, I would not have been able be the captain of this team this year without their love and support! Thanks for all you did for me this weekend.

LTF Pre Team Dinner. MS150 2009! Abbey Team Captain

Ryan, Andrea, and Stacey

My Team and Support Every day in life!

Abbey and my two fav Debbs!

Abbey and Debb

The Gang! These are incredible friends in my life!
Debbie, Kaycee, and I. My 2 Favorite Women in the world. They teach me so much on a daily basis. They do tease the crap out of me, but I know its because they love me. PS. I designed the jersey's this year. Tell me what you think! :)

Thanks for all of you who have been patiently waiting for my playlist. I decided that from now on, I will be posting my song pick for the week, a current cycle playlist, and my Fusion release for the month playlist. I want to help other fellow instructor friends find good music for their classes, along with those dedicated LTF members and guests that come to my class on a weekly basis and want my music. I wish I could burn all of you a cd, but unfortunatly there is too many of you, and I want to accomodate all! Music and teaching are my passion, thanks for taking this journey with me every week in class! Here are also some pictures of the month of June! Enjoy!

FUSION-HOPE (JUNE RELEASE)
Tai Chi-ENIGMA: Following the Sun
Sun Salutations- The Verve: Bittersweet Symphony
Standing Strengths-Transformers Soundtrack: Hope Runs Deep
Balance-Marie Digby-What I've Done
Hips-Jody Messina: Burn
Core-OneRepublic: Apoloigize (LIVE)
Back-Michelle Branch: Happy Now
Twists-Sia: Breathe
Hamstrings/Folds/End Tai Chi-Rob Thomas: Now comes the night
Prepare to relax-Sarah Mclachlan: Good Enough (Felicty Soundtrack)
Relaxation: David Tolk-Fields of Gold B-Tribe-She moves through the fair Paula Cole-Me

SONG PICK FOR THE WEEK: Big Ali-ROCK THIS PARTY