Just being real here...

Lately I have been really struggling to really honor myself as a beautiful person. I look at everyone I am surrounded by and it is so easy to see their beauty. For instance I work at a yoga studio in Salt Lake City, its only the best one! Centered City Yoga. And I am surrounded by beauty constantly. First person that comes to mind is my friend Kate Linsley. She is beautiful. I am lucky to have her by my side each day at work, not only as a someone I work with, but as someone who is a very imporant part of my life and considered family now. I love you Kate. You define beauty and I really look up to you. Thanks for being a shining example of that. Someone who is so raw, and has so much depth. I also see beauty in the person that is coming to my classes for the first time or steps into the studio and they just want to be there. They have no clue what yoga is really about, but I think it is so beautiful that they just showed up to try. I see people on the mat in their bodies trying to make sense of it all, and sometimes I have to stop in awe of those students while I am teaching. I cannot help without knowing what they are going through, stand there and resonate with them. The one thing I do for them as their teacher is I can understand them. And I do. I am their equal. I understand because on my mat is where all my stuff comes up too. Like today for instance, I wasn't very nice to myself. And it really showed, I took stabs at myself the entire practice, and I felt like I could no longer support myself. It was in that moment, when my teacher D' came and supported me in a pose. It showed me that we really all are connected, and we all could use a little support at times in life. I have gratitude for my practice, because while on the mat I get these reminders even in the intensity, that I am okay. That this is life, that I am a human being having a human experience. In the office today, Kate said something to me that stuck. She said, "you know sometimes it takes everything you have to go teach, but we just do it. We just keep going." This week, I didn't really feel like going at times. I didn't feel brilliant enough or profoudn enough. But that is me lying to myeslf. So I went, I kept going. I put my shoes on, said my prayers each morning, and told God that I was going to go out in the world to make a difference. Even if it is small. Its something right?

While at retreat, the "theme" for the week was, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Am I that change that I wish to see? I don't know. I probably don't give myself enough credit. I should give myself more credit, and I will. I will start. I may not be the most beautiful looking woman, or have the prettiest smile. Yeah I am awkward at times-- but I am me. I know I give my heart 134 million percent to what I do each day (okay that's alot of percent). Lets just say I try my best each day, because I believe in it with every fiber of my being. And to believe in something so much, I think that is beautiful. I have so much gratitude for my job that I can almost see the graitude as if it was tangible. I am sacrificing each day to something that is bigger than me. I am sacrificing because I believe. I believe I am that person to do this job. And that job is to live my life, to go out and make people feel beautiful, loved, supported, and to let them know they have a friend. And if I can make them laugh every once in a while, then that makes me happy.

With that being said, I will make a promise to myself each day that I will tell myself I am beautiful, just because I care so much about people. I should care about myself.

I am beautiful. As hard as that was to write. I really know that I am beautiful in this moment. And to me that is all that matters.

To all the beautiful people in my life you know who you are. Thank you for being so beautiful! You inspire me every single day to get up and do what i do best, and that is love you.